


Equilibrium

by Die_Erlkonigin6083



Series: Sammy [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Age Play, Age Play Little Sam, Age Regression/De-Aging, Baby Sam, Cribs, Crying, Diapers, Gen, Infantilism, Non-Sexual Age Play, Nursery, Onesies, Toys, Wetting, adults acting like children
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-09-07 14:52:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8805187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Die_Erlkonigin6083/pseuds/Die_Erlkonigin6083
Summary: Sam and Dean have to find a new equilibrium after Sam's secret had been revealed.





	1. Where do we go from here?

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoy!

Dean was up early. He had gotten his four hours, but they hadn’t been very restful hours. He made some coffee, then sat at the table in the kitchen. Sam normally was an early riser, as he went jogging in the mornings. Sam would be there soon. Sure enough, not a half an hour later, Sam came in, head down. He shuffled to the coffee maker and poured himself a cup. Sam then sat down across from Dean, ignoring Dean. The silence between the two brothers was thick. They sat there, drinking their coffee. Eventually, Sam spoke.   
“So… about last night.” Sam ventured.  
“What about it?” Dean replied cautiously.   
“Well… You know now. You have known, apparently.”   
“Yes”  
“It-It doesn’t bother you? That I… like it?” Sam asked incredulously.   
“No. I wouldn’t have left you those gifts if it did.” Dean said cautiously.   
“You’re really okay with it?” Sam asked incredulously.  
“Yeah. I already said that.”  
“Really? Because it took me a couple months before I was okay with it. Hell, I’m still not okay with it sometimes! How can you be so calm? How can you act like this is normal?!” Sam’s voice gets louder as he speaks. At the end, he stands up, pushing his chair back in the process. Then Sam starts pacing. Dean sat there quietly, trying to stay calm. He couldn’t mess this up by getting angry and passionately yelling at Sam that it was okay, there was nothing wrong with him. Dean took a deep breath, then he began:  
“Sam there is nothing wrong with you. Yeah, you like something that’s a little different, and that’s not exactly the norm, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.”  
“I like diapers, Dean! I like playing with blocks, coloring, and reading Dr. Seuss books! I wear onesies and suck on pacifiers!” Sam yelled, his hands in his hair.   
“So? We’ve seen a lot weirder shit.” Dean said a little annoyed. How could he make Sam understand that he didn’t care? All he cared about was his little brother’s happiness.   
Sam made a strangled noise and squatted down, putting his head between his knees.   
“This isn’t normal Dean. I’m not normal Dean. I’m a freak with demon blood in his veins!”  
“So?! I don’t care about any of that!” Dean retorted hotly.  
“Well, you should!” Sam said, looking up, his face scrunched up in anger.   
“Why the hell should I? We’re hunters, Sam! We were never going to be normal! So why not embrace it?”  
Sam didn’t respond. He was sitting against the floor, back against the wall. Dean walked over and slid down next to him.   
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Sam.” Dean said after a long silence. Sam remained silent, his face in his hands. As the silence lengthened, Dean began to feel uncomfortable. He couldn’t do another sleepless night, wondering about his relationship with Sam.   
“So, what do you want to do, now that I know?” Dean asked.  
“I don’t want anything to change.” Sam eventually said.   
“Okay. They nothing has to change.” Dean replied. He felt disappointed. He’d hoped, that Sam would let him be there while he was little. He’d fantasized about being there, of being useful and taking care of his baby brother, and being able to shower Sam in affection, and hopefully get some affection in return. But it wasn’t going to be a reality. Sam didn’t want him there. Dean felt a pain, deep inside. He got up.   
“Alright then. I’m going to go look for a case. You going to go on your morning jog?” Dean asked as he removed his and Sam’s mug from the table and put it in the sink to be washed later.   
“Yeah.” Sam said after a brief pause.   
“Okay. I’ll see you when you get back then.” Dean said as he walked out of the room. Everything was going to be fine, he told himself. Everything will go back to normal. 

Things did go back to normal over the next two weeks. But everything changed one night. Sam had gone to bed relatively early. They’d finished a hunt earlier that day. It’d been a difficult case, as the coven of vampires had turned out to be larger than they had originally thought. Dean was watching TV, a bottle of beer on the table next to him when he heard it.   
Something echoed faintly through the bunker.   
Dean looked around confused. He thought he’d heard something. Dean muted the TV, listening.   
“De! Com’n look!”  
Was that… Sam? Dean stood up and walked towards the direction of the noise.   
“De! Hurry!” That was definitely Sammy! Dean picked up his pace. He soon arrived in front of Sam’s door. Peeking around the door was Sam. He was on his knees in a onesie, and the bulge around his crotch indicated that he was wearing a diaper.  
“De, come see what I did!” Sam said, with a big smile on his face. Sam then dropped to all fours and crawled back in to the room. Dean gulped. Sam wanted to include him now? Was this a dream? He hesitantly entered the room.   
“Look!” Sam said, holding up a picture. It was drawn in crayon, and it was of Sam, Cas, and Dean. At the top, it said ‘my famiy’. Dean crouched down, reached out and ruffled Sam’s hair.   
“That’s a really nice drawing, Sam.” Dean said.   
“M’ not Sam. M’ Sammy.” Sammy said with a pout.   
“Ah, sorry Sammy.” Dean said.   
“S’okay. You never see me before. Sam doesn’t want you see me. But you’re here now. So we can play!” Sammy said, a big smile lighting up his face.   
“Yeah, we can.” Dean said, with an indulgent smile. Maybe… Maybe he could take care of Sam. He could pretend that Sam actually wanted him to be there for a little while. He was getting a change to live his fantasies for a little while. Sam was probably going to be pissed later, but there was no way he was going to let this opportunity pass him by.

Dean spent the rest of the night playing with Sammy. It was one of the best nights of his life, playing with his little brother. Sammy was… so open and amazing. It was great. He was sad when he noticed Sammy start to yawn, as it meant that the night was over. His few hours of living out his fantasies were over.   
“Alright Sammy. Time for bed.”  
“M’ not tired. Story?” Sammy asked sleepily.  
“Sure, which one?” Dean asked.  
“Cat in the Hat”  
“Okay.” Dean grabbed the book and made his way to the bed.  
“Wait! Bones and Bull need to be here too! They want to hear the story too!” Sammy demanded.  
“Uh, Bones is the dog, right?” Sammy nodded. “Which one is Bull though?”  
“Dat one.” Sammy said, pointing to the Moose.   
“Kay. What’s the squirrel’s name?” Dean asked, curious.  
“Rocky.”  
“Like Rocky and Bullwinkle, huh?” Sammy nodded. Dean laid down next to Sammy, on top of the covers. He proceeded to read the book. Sammy was asleep by the end of it. He tucked Sammy in. Tonight had been fantastic. He hoped that he got more nights to spend with Sammy, but Sam was a stubborn one.   
“Night Sammy.” Dean whispered as he closed the door. 

Once again, the next morning was a little awkward. Neither Sam nor Dean talked about what had happened. They continued on, as if nothing had changed. Dean didn’t see Sammy again for a month and a half. But one night, not long after he’d gone to bed, his door opened.   
“De?” Sammy called out, his voice soft.  
“Sammy? What are you doing here?” Dean asked confusedly.  
“Had a bad dream.” Sam replied quietly.   
“Oh, okay. Come here, bud.” Dean said, sitting up and patting the area next to him on the bed. Sam bolted over and climbed in the bed. He immediately curled in to Dean and his warmth.   
“Do- uh, do you want to talk about your dream, Sammy?” Dean asked, running his hand soothingly up and down on Sammy’s back. Sammy shook his head.   
“Don’t wanna talk about it,” Sammy mumbled. He then looked up at Dean, giving Dean his best puppy dog look, “Can I sleep here with you tonight?”  
“Uh, sure, if it makes you feel better.” Sammy snuggled deeper in to Dean.  
“Mmmm. Thanks, De. You’re the best brother ever.” Dean blushed, and felt warmth spread through him. Hearing Sam, well, Sammy, say that made him so incredibly happy. He laid back down and tried to sleep with Sammy pressed close against him. It was actually a lot easier to fall asleep than he thought.

Dean woke up the next morning to a loud thunk and cursing. He sat up, turned on the light, and blinked blearily. Sam was on the floor, tangled up in some of the sheets, his face bright red. Dean hadn’t been able to see what Sam had been wearing the night before, as it’d been dark, but now in the soft glow of the lights, he could see that Sam was wearing a onesie with a diaper peeking out. The onesie was one of the ones Dean had bought for him, the one with the black cars all over it. It was nice to know that Sam liked it. Sam untangled himself and then got out of the room as quickly as possible. Dean watched him go, feeling his heart sink. He’d have thought that he’d made it obvious that he didn’t mind Sam wearing diapers, or acting like a little kid. Hopefully, with time, Sam would realize that he truly didn’t care, and that he actually kind of liked taking care of his little brother. 

He didn’t have to wait very long before he saw Sammy, only about two weeks this time. This time, Dean was on the computer when he heard Sam approach him. Dean continued messing around on the computer, waiting for Sam to say something.   
“De?” Dean froze. Sam didn’t call him De. He slowly turned around. Sure enough, there was Sammy.   
“Hey Sammy. Did you want something?”  
“Can we watch cartoons?”   
“Sure, Sammy.” Dean got up and went to the TV. He turned it on to some cartoon show.   
“Is this good, Sammy?”   
“Yeah. Thanks, De.” Sammy said as he clambered on to the couch with Bones, the stuffed dog.   
“You need anything else, Sammy.” Dean asked. Sammy thought about it, then replied.  
“Cold. And ‘m hungry.”  
“Okay. I’ll get you a blanket and something to eat. Yell if you need anything, okay, Sammy?”  
“Kay,” Sammy said, not looking away from the cartoons. Dean went and grabbed one of Sammy’s blankets from the chest in his room. When he came back, he noticed that Sammy had his thumb in his mouth. He might have to give Sammy a pacifier later… He then went to the kitchen to make food. What would a little kid want? Mac and cheese, maybe? When it was done, he split it in half. Half for himself, half for Sammy. He gave Sam one of the bowls and took away the blanket. He didn’t know how messy Sam would be when he was little. He then sat down next to Sammy with the other. The cartoon on the TV probably wasn’t exactly appropriate for how young Sammy was, but there wasn’t really any other cartoons on TV at this time. When Dean finished, he got up and checked on Sammy. There was cheese and noodles all over his face and his onesie. Sammy was also eating with his hands. He hadn’t really thought this through when he’d given Mac and cheese to Sammy. Then again, it’d been a long time since Sam had been this small. He’d obviously forgotten some things. Sammy wasn’t finished, so he let him continue. He went back to the kitchen and put away his bowl. Where to start? Wiping Sammy’s face was going to be easy. Sammy was going to need a new onesie, but he wasn’t sure if Sammy was going to let him change it.   
He gathered what he would need, then made his way back to Sammy. He’d finished his Mac and cheese at this point. Dean grabbed the bowl, and put them aside. He used a damp towel to wipe Sammy’s face and hands off. Now for the harder part.   
“Alright Sammy, I’ll be quick about it as possible.” Dean hesitated, before reaching down and unsnapping the bottom of the onesie. A multitude of emotions crossed Sammy’s face.   
“De… Dean. What- I-no.”   
“It’s okay. This one’s dirty, I just have to get you out of this one and put a new one on.” Dean said and he quickly pulled the onesie up and over Sam’s head. Sam’s mouth was moving up and down, but nothing was coming out and his face was turning red. He tried to get Sam to put the new onesie on, but Sam wasn’t entirely cooperating, as he was trying to cover the diaper. Eventually he got it one, despite all of Sam’s struggling. He snapped it in place and tucked the blanket around Sam… or was it Sammy? He wasn't entirely sure at the moment. Sam’s head was down, looking away from Dean. He probably embarrassed. Dean gathered up the used bowl and the onesie, and walked away, pretending not to notice Sam’s embarrassment. When Dean came back later to check on Sammy, he was gone. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`  
Dean had changed his onesie. DEAN had changed his ONESIE. He’d thought it’d been bad earlier, when Sammy had invited Dean to play and when Sammy had a nightmare and went to Dean for comfort. But this… this was way more embarrassing. He struggled to make his way back to his room. He was in some sort of transition. He was more Sam than Sammy right now. Sammy had been so pleased though. Finally, someone else had changed his clothes, and he hadn’t had to do it himself. Sammy was still grumpy that Sam hadn’t been letting him be as little as he wanted though. Ever since Dean had found out, Sam had refused to fully let go. This had caused Sammy to only age down to about 4 or 5 years old, instead of the normal 2.   
Finally, Sam made it to his room. He immediately made his way to the chest. He needed comfort. He sunk down on to his knees by the chest, then reached in and pulled out his stuffed animals. He needed a cuddle from all of them! Bones was first, Bull and Rocky were next. The Bela the bunny was after that, and the Fergus the frog was last. Fergus was his least favorite. Sammy pulled Bones in to his arms, then laid down next to his animals. Sam probably wouldn’t be happy if he went and saw De again. He’d just have to play by himself till bed time then. He’d done it before, but none of those times had compared to when De had played with him. Sammy glowered. Stupid Sam, always stopping him from playing with De and doing what he wanted! It wasn’t fair! De had said it was okay, that he didn’t mind Sammy, so Sam should stop worrying and let him play! Sam was such a meanie.   
That was okay though. After De had said it was okay, he’d been coming out to see him anyway. Sam had been so mad! It had been worth it too, as De had never turned him away and had always given him what he wanted. Playing with De was worth being bigger than normal and having Sam mad at him. Having De take care of him was worth all of that. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Dean’s mind was whirling. After being able to feed and change Sammy last night, his mind was abuzz with new ideas and new possibilities. They needed more stuff than what they currently had. Sammy needed sippy cups and plastic utensils, plates, and bowls. He was also going to need some warmer outfits. And he needed to order age-appropriate cartoons for him. Age-appropriate food would be good too! Chicken nuggets in the shape of dinosaurs, spaghetti, Cheerios, and so much more! And that was only what he’d come up with in a few minutes!   
Dean hesitated. Would Sam appreciate any of it though? And would Sammy? Sammy didn’t seem to mind Dean, but Sam definitely did. Why else would Sammy have disappeared after Dean had changed his onesie? That brought other questions to Dean’s mind. Sammy wore diapers, but did he actually use them? If he did, Dean didn’t mind changing them, but Sam would throw a bitchfit if he did. And how young was Sammy? Did he still need bottles? Or were sippy cups okay? He needed to get some information out of Sam. It was going to be like pulling teeth but… he had to know. He wanted to know everything about Sammy. Research might help in, as Dean doubted that Sam was the only person in the world that wanted to be little. They might give him some pointers on how to tell how young Sammy was, and give him more ideas on how to spoil Sammy. 

Sam hid from Dean the next day. Dean knew that it was because of what had happened. Sammy had turned back in to Sam while Dean had been changing his onesie. Dean felt oddly hollow inside. He didn’t want Sam to push him away because of Sammy. Yet, he wanted to be around Sammy and love him. It was quite the conundrum, and it was one he hadn’t been able to solve. Sighing, Dean went to the computer. He might as well make use of this time to do some research. 

He was screwed. He was so screwed. He’d found out some of the basic information about infantilism (that’s what it was called) pretty easily. It hadn’t been able to help him much in terms of finding things out about Sammy, but it had given him a lot more ideas. Son of a bitch! What had really affected him was the fact that people built nurseries for their ‘little ones’. He’d been so intrigued at them, that he’d started looking at all of the different pictures of nurseries for people who wanted to be little. It was only half-way through looking at them all before he thought something. This would be great for Sammy’s nursery, he’d thought. He froze immediately after that thought. He… He wanted to build a nursery for Sammy. He didn’t even know if Sam was young enough to need one, yet he wanted to build one! Sure, there had been cute kid’s room for ‘older’ littles, but the nurseries had been the ones to draw him in. After that first thought, the flood gate had opened. What color to paint the nursery? Which room of the bunker should it be in? Could he make the crib and changing table by hand?   
He wasn’t doing this because it was what Sam wanted and what made him happy… He was doing this, thinking all of this because he liked it. He wanted Sammy to be his baby. He wanted it. How the hell was he going to tell Sam?


	2. Improvements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean begins redecorating, and Sam starts to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Finals are over, and winter break is here! I'm going to try my best and post a new chapter every 3-4 days during winter break. Key words there are: try my best! I may be a little late sometimes, it all depends on how life is. Other times, I may be early. It all depends!   
> Thank you to everyone who wrote comments and gave me kudos! You're all so motivating! :D  
> Any way, I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I look forward to hearing what you think!

Sam ignored Dean once again the next day. That was fine for now, as Dean had lots to do.  He needed to clear out the room next to his. It was just another guest room, and no one was currently using it. It took him a few hours to move the furniture to another room. He’d ended up having to take the furniture apart, as Sam had been who knows where, and he couldn’t move the furniture by himself. After he’d moved everything, he was tired. It had taken a lot out of him to move everything. It’d be worth it though. A room for just for Sammy. And, well, for him too. Dean sat down at a computer. He had shopping to do.

 

On his next supply run, Dean went to a Home Improvement store. He needed paint, and the bathroom didn’t seem large enough, especially since he wanted to give Sammy baths. There was no way Sammy could stretch out in the normal sized tubs. He’d done some renovations before, in order to earn money. He might have enough experience to be able to expand the bathroom by himself. The guest room next to it was going to have to lose its personal bathroom though. But who cared? They didn’t often have people over at the bunker, and there were plenty of other rooms that guests could stay in. He also needed some wooden shelves, but he would need to wait to get those, as they should match the furniture.

Dean ended up standing in front of the display of paint swatches. He knew that he wanted a blue color, but he had no idea that there were so many different kinds of blue! He shifted on his feet nervously. How was he going to pick one?

“Hello there, are you looking for any specific color?” asked an older sales associate in an apron.

“Uh, I’m looking for a blue, but there are so many different kinds! And I don’t really know what would look good…” Dean said, trailing off.

“Well, what type of room is it going to be? A kitchen? A bathroom? Maybe a bedroom?” they asked kindly.

“Uh-It’s going to eventually be a nursery.” Dean mumbled. He was very much out of his depth here.

“Well, what is the furniture in the room going to be made of? White furniture goes well with lighter paint colors, and darker furniture looks good in a room with a darker paint.”

“Uh, well, I was planning on going with darker furniture.”

“Okay then.” They grabbed a couple swatches with dark blues on them. “The Jay blue on this one is a nice color, and Dignity Blue and Honorable Blue are popular colors.” They then walked over to a different brand and grabbed some more swatches. “Midnight blue and Brilliant blue are also good dark blues. Do any of them catch your eye?” Dean looked at the different colors, his eye flicking back and forth to compare them.

“I think, I think I’ll go with the Midnight blue.” Dean eventually said.

“That’s a good color! Do you know what type of paint you want? You said it was going to be a nursery, so I would recommend a low-sheen paint. And how many paint cans?”

“I’ll take a low-sheen paint, since you recommended it. Two should be enough, I think. If not, I’ll come back for more.”

“Alright then.” Dean paid, then left the store. He had a lot of work to do!

 

 

Sam hadn’t really seen much of Dean. Granted, he had been avoiding him for a few days. But even once he’d stopped avoiding Dean, he’d still barely seen him. It was weird. What was Dean doing? What was he up to? Why wasn’t Dean checking up on him? Or bugging him? Or trying to get him to talk? Why wasn’t Dean paying attention to him? This wasn’t right. Dean was his brother… Dean was always interested in what Sam was doing, Dean was always there for him, no matter what. Even when Sam was being a brat. That didn’t mean that Dean was perfect, but he was pretty damn close to it in Sam’s eyes. To Sammy, he was perfect.

Sam sighed. He missed Dean. Maybe he’d ask Dean to hang out with him tonight. They could watch a movie or something. Maybe he could convince Dean to watch some of the Harry Potter movies with him. It’d be nice to hang out with Dean again, just as Sam. Not as Sammy. Never as Sammy. The darn kid was so determined to play with Dean, and no matter how much Sam tried to keep him away, it didn’t work. It… it had been kind of nice though. Extremely humiliating, but nice.

Sam walked down the halls, searching for Dean. He eventually found him, sitting at a computer. Dean had a really intense look on his face, and he seemed to be completely absorbed in what he was doing. Curious, Sam walked up behind him, and looked over Dean’s shoulder. Dean seemed to be looking at some kind of furniture. Sam squinted, looking closer. It seemed to be part of some sort of set. But why would Dean be looking at furniture? He already had furniture in his room, and his beloved memory foam mattress. Sam leaned forward a little more. The pictures of the rest of the set were small, and were below the larger picture of a dresser with some sort of strange and padded top. He could barely make out the other piece in the set, but it seemed to have some sort of bar design? If only he could get a closer look…

While Sam was completely focused on the images on the screen, Dean felt the back of his neck prickling. He turned his head slightly, and sure enough, there seemed to be something there. Specifically, a giant moose named Sam.

“Sam! What the hell dude?!” Dean exclaimed.

“Huh? Oh, uh, sorry Dean. I was just curious. You were really into your… furniture shopping?”

“Uh, yeah.” Dean paused before changing the subject. “So, why are you here, Sam?”

“Uh, I just wanted to hang out with you Dean. I haven’t really seen much of you these past couple days.”

“Well, you’ve kind of made yourself scarce, Sam.”

“I-well-Look Dean, do you want to come watch a movie with me or not?”

“Yeah, Sam, that’d be great. Just, give me a couple minutes to finish this up, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” Sam walked away, feeling better. He was going to get to hang out with Dean, without Sammy. They hadn’t really hung out as Sam and Dean since Dean had found out about Sammy. Or well, when Sam had found out that Dean knew about Sammy.

 

 

The previous night had been really nice. It was nice to hang out with Sam, whether he was Sam or Sammy. It was also good to know that Sam was still going to hang out with him. He’d been worried that Sam was going to continue to shun him, and avoid him ever since he’d found out about Sammy, and that they would never regain some of the closeness they’d had before Sam found out that he knew. Sure, Sam had pretended that nothing had ever happened, but he’d still been somewhat distant. Dean didn’t want to become close to Sammy at the expense of Sam. He wanted both of them.

Sam had nearly given him a heart attack when he’d been peering over his shoulder while he’d been shopping for a changing table and a crib. He didn’t think Sam had been able to see the crib, just the table. That was good. He kind of wanted it to be a surprise, and he also had no idea how Sam would react. Also, Sammy didn’t really seem like he was young enough for a nursery. But maybe… maybe he could convince Sammy to try? Or to pretend a little a bit, just for him. He could only hope. So far, things had worked out okay. But he was a Winchester. Things never worked out for long.

 

 

He’d ordered a rocking chair the day he’d moved all the furniture. After it had arrived, he’d immediately went and got it, then brought it home, to the bunker. He’d set it up as soon as he could. It was made of dark wood, and it had gleamed after he’d polished it. Gingerly, Dean sat down in it. He’d ordered one that was strong and sturdy, as it was going to have to support both him and Sam. He gently rocked back and forth in it. He could wait to use it, to have Sammy warm and relaxed in his arms. He’d bring a warm bottle to Sammy’s lips, and Sammy would open his mouth and start sucking. Dean could almost hear the contented snuffles that Sammy would make. God, he’d look so adorable, with his soft and floppy brown hair, and his big eyes. Those eyes would probably start to close the more Sammy drank. Maybe Sammy would still be awake when he finished, or maybe he would fall asleep before he finished his bottle. Either way, Dean would rock him for a while, just enjoying having his baby in his arms, his Sammy.

Tomorrow he would paint, and he could expect some of the furniture to come in soon. He’d found a storage closet near the kitchen that would hopefully be able to fit a high chair for Sammy. There were some empty cabinets in the kitchen that could store bowls, bottles, plates, and utensils. He could probably store bibs there too. A few seasons Dora the Explorer and other children’s cartoons had arrived, and he would be placing those in the cabinet under the TV. He might be going a bit overboard.

 

 

The nursery was starting to come together. He’d been working on it for a week and a half now. The walls were painted, the furniture was all in place, and the floor had soft plush rugs covering it. He just needed to fill it up a bit more. The drawers under the changing table needed to be filled with onesies, pajamas, clothes, diapers, stuffers, baby powder, cream, and wipes. The shelves needed to have stuff put on them, and the toy chest also needed to be filled. Sammy had some toys in his own chest in his room, but there wasn’t very many. Sammy needed more. Yeah, he was definitely going overboard on getting stuff for Sammy.

 

 

Sam stood in his room. He… he could do this. Dean wouldn’t have to know, at least not for now. Sammy was probably going to spill the beans eventually, but as long as that was a while from now, and not today or the next couple weeks or months, it’d be fine. Sam walked to the chest with false confidence. He could do this. He could definitely do this. He methodically stripped, then dressed himself in his diaper and a onesie. He picked up Bones, and grabbed a blanket. He took a deep breath, then walked out of his room. He was going to find Dean. Dean didn’t have to know that Sam was willingly seeking him out. He was going to try and trust Dean. Dean had said that he didn’t mind, and he’d already proved it. But Sammy had been older. How would Dean react when Sammy was even younger? Would… would it still be okay? Even when Sammy was more dependent on him? He took a deep breath before calling out:

“De!” He waited, listening to see if Dean had heard him. Nothing. He tried again.

“De!” This time, he heard footsteps. Dean came around a corner, his expression curious. Upon seeing Sam, his expression melted, a much softer one taking its place.

“Hey Sammy. Did you want to play? Or do you want to watch some cartoons? Or maybe a movie?” Dean asked.

“Wanna play.” Sam replied softly.

“Okay Sammy. Let’s go to your room and play okay?” Sam hesitated. He wanted Dean to carry him. Would he though? That was a lot to ask. Dean had already carried him before, after he’d fallen asleep.

“Sammy? What’s wrong buddy?” Dean asked, stepping closer. Sam felt his lower lip tremble. Crap, all of this thinking was going to make him cry. He needed to answer before he did.

“Up?” Sam asked hesitantly. Dean stepped closer, then lifted Sam up, resting him on his hip. Sam wrapped his arms around Dean, snuggling his face in to the crook of Dean’s neck. Holy crap. Dean had picked him up! Both Sam and Sammy felt like melting in to a puddle of goo. This was fantastic! Dean was fantastic. Feeling more at ease, Sam closed his eyes and basked in the warmth and affection as Dean walked towards his room. Dean truly didn’t care. Dean didn’t mind indulging him. With a smile on his face, Sam allowed himself to slip in to Sammy.

Far too soon, Dean arrived at Sam’s room. Dean walked in, still carrying Sam on his hip. Dean went to the open chest, and gently set down Sammy beside it. He then pulled out the normal blankets in it and spread them on the floor. Sammy crawled on to the blankets, waiting for Dean to get out the toys. He lifted his hand and started sucking on his thumb.

“Hey bud, none of that. Here, try this.” Dean said as he pulled Sammy’s thumb out of his mouth and gently placed an adult pacifier to Sammy’s lips. Sammy immediately accepted the pacifier, sucking happily on it. De was the best! Dean was a little surprised that Sammy accepted it, but quickly shook it off. God, Sammy looked so adorable sucking on the pacifier. Dean reached forward and gently pulled Sammy’s head toward him and gave Sammy a soft kiss on the top of his head. Sammy blinked a few times, then began to look around. Dean went back to looking through the chest for something to play with. There were the blocks, but Sammy almost always played with them. Jeez! Sammy needed more toys! Grumbling, he decided to just go with the blocks anyway. He’d order more toys as soon as he could. He then turned to look at Sammy, who seemed to be completely fascinated by his toes.

Dean smiled. Sammy was such an adorable baby. Wait, not a baby, a toddler. But playing with toes was more of an infant’s behavior, not a toddler’s?

“What’cha doin’ there, Sammy?” Dean asked playfully. Sammy just looked up at Dean, his hands wrapped around his feet.

“Hmm?” Dean asked, a mischievous smile on his face. He then lunged for Sammy’s stomach and proceeded to tickle him. Sammy looked shocked, before he burst in to a fit of giggles.

“Huh? Are you playing with your toes Sammy? Are they more fun to play with than De, baby?” Dean asked as he continued to tickle Sammy, enjoying the squeals and giggles pouring from Sammy. Sammy seemed a little different today. It had said online that littles tended to have an age range, so maybe Sammy was feeling more little than normal today? Well, he certainly wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Eventually he stopped, and Sammy’s giggles subsided. His pacifier had fallen out in the ruckus, so Dean reached over, grabbed it, and brought it to Sammy’s mouth. He needed to get one of those clips to put pacifiers on. He leaned back in order to give Sammy some room.

“What do you want to play with, Sammy? We have your blocks, but you also have your stuffed animals, if you’re tired of the blocks.”

“Books.” Sammy replied. Dean looked in to the chest, and sure enough, there were some of those sturdy cardboard children’s books.

“Alright Sammy, you’re the boss.” Dean said with a smile and pulled out the books. Sammy crawled over and burrowed in to Dean’s chest, settling down in order to listen to the story, making sure that one ear was pressed against Dean’s chest, next to his heart. Dean’s heartbeat was incredibly soothing. He sucked on his pacifier, as Dean’s voiced washed over him. Why hadn’t he done this sooner? Oh right, Sam. But Sam was on board now. That was great. This was great. Sammy’s eyes started lowering as Dean’s warmth and voiced lulled him to sleep.

 

 

Sammy was cuddled against his chest, fast asleep. He looked so little and sweet. He should probably put him in bed now though. Dean hesitated though. Should he put Sammy in his bed? Or Dean’s bed? Or maybe… the nursery? It wasn’t completely finished yet, but it would be fine for Sammy to sleep there tonight….No. He’d put Sammy in his bed tonight. He wanted to fall asleep with his little one cuddled against him. It’d been so nice last time. He’d put Sammy in the nursery the next time Sammy fell asleep on him. Gently, he shifted Sammy. As he shifted him, he noticed something odd. Sammy’s butt felt… really squishy? Dean pondered for a second, before it hit him. The diaper! But diapers only really got squishy when they were wet… He shifted Sammy till he was spread out on the blankets. He was just going to check. Sam… Sam would never have to know that Dean had checked his diaper.

Dean carefully pulled apart the buttons on the bottom on the onesie. He slid a finger along one of the edges of the diaper to check for wetness. It was definitely wet! Sammy… he couldn’t sleep in a wet diaper all night. But what if Sammy woke up during the change? He’d have to risk it. Dean stood up quickly and got what he would need. Baby wipes would be too cold, so he wet a washcloth with warm water. He quickly went to the nursery and grabbed the baby powder and the cream. He didn’t want his baby getting a rash…

Once he returned to Sam’s room, he knelt down by Sammy. He could do this. He could definitely do this without waking Sammy. He carefully moved the onesie out of the way, then untapped the sides of the diaper. As carefully as he could, he removed it. He then wiped Sammy down, warmed up the cream in his hand, then rubbed it where Sammy was looking a little red due to irritation. He sprinkled baby powder, then maneuvered the fresh diaper under Sammy. He taped securely before re-snapping the onesie. He’d done it. Son of a bitch, he’d done it! He’d managed to change Sammy’s diaper without waking him! A grin on his face, he scooped Sammy up and carried to his room. He then situated Sammy under the covers and prepared for bed. Once he was finished, he crawled in bed and cuddled up behind his baby.

“Good night Sammy.” Dean whispered softly before placing a kiss on Sammy’s forehead. He soon drifted off with his baby in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wrote all of this in about 4 hours. Not too bad, huh? :)


	3. Swirling thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam ponder about their feelings and desires, and whether or not they should act on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sometimes feel like all of my chapter titles are ridiculous. Maybe I should just go back and just change them all to numbers. Anyway, here is the next chapter! Enjoy!

Sam woke up slowly. He felt warm and comfortable. There seemed to be a body next to him, it was comforting to have someone sleeping next to him. He felt whoever it was shift, and then he felt a hand smoothing his hair. Who was next to him? He tried to remember last night, but he was still somewhat groggy. He remembered that he’d decided to trust Dean with him as a baby… oh shit. Sam’s eyes snapped open, and his body tensed. He’d let Dean carry him, and then he’d fallen asleep while Dean had been reading. So, it must be Dean next to him.

“Sam? Sammy? I know you’re awake.” Dean said softly. Sam shifted till he was sitting up. He felt his face heating up. He knew that Dean had seen him in his outfit last night, but it was still embarrassing. He could feel his body curling in on himself. Dean sighed.

“I’m going to go make breakfast, okay Sam? You can go change and then pretend this never happened, okay?” Dean stood up and walked out of the room. Dean had sounded really disappointed. He could analyze that later. He needed to go to his room. Sam quickly made his way to his room, and began to change in to jeans and a T-shirt. As he was changing, he noticed something. He, he wasn’t wet? That was certainly weird. Normally he was wet after he spent a night as Sammy.  And there seemed to be a whitish powder around his genitals? He didn’t remember putting baby powder on before he went to find Dean. Heck, he didn’t even know if they had baby powder. Sam’s breathing started to get shallow and fast. NO. No. He couldn’t think about it. Not right now. Later. He could think about this later. He had to go eat breakfast with Dean.

 

Breakfast ended up being really nice. Dean had made pancakes. They were delicious, fluffy things covered in syrup. Dean had been really chatty too. He was obviously tried to Sam avoiding him every time he hung out with Sammy. Sam let Dean draw him in to the conversation, and soon the two brothers were talking normally, as they had before Sammy’s appearance in their lives.

 

After breakfast, Sam went out jogging. He needed time to think and process everything that had happened. After he’d run for a while, he decided to stop by a line of trees which stood guard over a small stream. It was a peaceful place, calm and inviting. Sam walked over and sat down on the grassy embankment. He laid back and looked up at the sky. The trees were providing some shade, so the light didn’t blind him. He closed his eyes and thought. There were two things he needed to consider and think about. 1. Dean had been disappointed this morning. 2. He hadn’t woken up wet, and there’d been baby powder. Might as well start with number 1.

Why had Dean been disappointed? He’d seemed fine at first. He’d stroked Sam’s hair, and he had been unsure who was going to be woken up. Was Dean disappointed that it’s been Sam who’d been there this morning and not Sammy? Did… Did Dean like Sammy more than he liked Sam? Sammy was sweeter than Sam, and he definitely listened to Dean. Sam, Sam would argue with Dean, wouldn’t listen, and was much more difficult to be around than Sammy… Did Dean just want Sammy all the time? And no Sam?

No, that couldn’t be true. Dean had made pancakes for him, and he’d seemed really happy talking to Sam this morning. And a few days ago, he’d been able to convince Dean to watch the first Harry Potter movie, despite Dean’s disdain for the franchise at times. You’d think a guy who liked LARPing and etcetera would like Harry Potter, but Dean had been resisting and dragging his heels whenever Sam or anyone had tried to get him to watch them. But Sam had convinced him, and he’d even gotten Dean to admit the movie was pretty good, and he doubted it would take much more convincing to get Dean to watch the second movie. There had to be another explanation. Had… Had it been because he’d been embarrassed? And that he’d curled in on to himself? Maybe Dean was disappointed or sad that Sam was still embarrassed to be little around him? To trust him? It definitely seemed like a better explanation. And it meant that Dean didn’t like Sammy better. That… That had been a horrible thought.

Number 2 was more difficult to think about. There weren’t many possible explanations, but he didn’t really want to consider them. The easiest and the safest was that he just hadn’t wet himself last night. And that he’d forgotten that he’d put baby powder on. The terrifying explanation, the one that made his stomach twist in to knots and made him nauseous, was that Dean had changed him. That was why he hadn’t woken up wet, and why he’d had baby powder on himself. If that had happened, then he didn’t want to do. But, Dean hadn’t said anything. If he’d had to change Sammy/Sam, he probably would have complained about it. Or would he have stayed silent, in order to not embarrass Sam? He didn’t know. He didn’t know what Dean would do. He used to think that Dean would have mocked him for acting little, for being Sammy, but Dean hadn’t. Dean had surprised him. It reminded him of a quote he’d heard somewhere, “those that we are the closest to are often the most alien.” It described his relationship with Dean pretty well. They thought they knew everything about each other, but then something happened that would shake their views of the other, or one would do something that would surprise the other.

The warm sunlight seeped through Sam’s body as he lay in the grass. The warmth began to make Sam drowsy. His thoughts continued to swirl about Dean before he eventually succumbed to the call of sleep.

 

 

Dean was starting to get worried. Sam had gone jogging three hours ago. Normally, Sam only took about an hour to an hour and a half when he went jogging. Sam should have been home at least an hour ago, but he wasn’t. Where was Sam? He’d thought everything had been okay. He’d been happy and lively during breakfast this morning, and Sam had definitely enjoyed the pancakes. So where was he? Had… Had something happened to him while he was jogging? There shouldn’t really be anything around here. He had to go look for Sam.

Dean searched, and searched. He called till his voice was pretty sore. As he was getting ready to call Cas, desperate for help, he noticed to string of trees that surrounded a small stream. He made his was over, and laying in the grass was Sam, fast asleep. He felt relief at seeing Sam, but he was also extremely frustrated. He’d been so worried about Sam! And here he was, asleep and dead to the world! He could chew Sam out later. He needed to get him back to the bunker. Dean bent down and picked Sam up. Carrying Sam for a short period was okay, but the longer he carried him, the heavier Sam seemed to get. Sam totally owed him for this!

Dean made it back to the bunker with Sam still asleep in his arms. It was difficult juggling the key and opening the door, but he made it inside. He made his way down the stairs. His arms ached, so he deposited Sam on the couch. Still feeling angry at Sam, Dean stalked off.

 

Dean was looking for a hunt when Sam came to see him.

“Hey Dean.” Sam said quietly. Dean gave Sam an angry and disappointed look.

“What were you thinking?” Dean questioned angrily. “Any demon or any angel would love to get their hands on us! Not only that, but you know about what’s out there! You know that there are tons of deadly supernatural creatures out there, yet you went out and fell asleep! Anything could have happened to you!”

“Well, it’s not like I meant to!” Sam exclaimed. Dean glared, then turned back to his search.

“Whatever. Help me look for a hunt the.” Sam hesitated, then took a chair across from Dean, opened his laptop, and began to search.

Eventually, Sam found something.

“Dean, there’s some strange stuff going on in Duncan, Oklahoma. I think it might be witches, due to how people died, and the odd bags found at the crime scenes.”

“Great. Witches. Just what we need.” Dean grumbled. “Well, let’s get ready to leave.”

Sam watched him go. He knew that Dean was upset because he’d fallen asleep, and Dean was worried about him, but he could take care of himself! Did Dean think that he couldn’t because he was little sometimes? He hated that he kept having to prove himself to Dean.

 

 

Witches were never easy. Finding the hex bag before the victim died was always hard. Then there was the fact that some witches tried to use demons. And demons, demons were the issue. Sometimes they just knew things about you, and they didn’t even need to possess you to figure it out. And it turned out that the demon that this witch had summoned, could look at you and see all of your secrets. They’d taken one look at Sam and had begun to taunt him, even though Sam had the demon killing knife and they’d been trapped in a devil’s trap. They’d still managed to get a few words in before Sam had stabbed them though. And they kept ringing in his head, despite the fact that they’d finished the case a few hours ago and Dean was driving them back to the bunker. The demon had to be lying. Dean didn’t actually like treating like a child. Dean was okay with it, but he didn’t enjoy it. Dean didn’t want to put him in a crib or feed him from a bottle. Dean… Dean definitely did want to do any of that, even if Sammy really wanted it, and Sam thought that while it would be embarrassing, it would probably help relax him. Dean had seemed a little weird after that comment, but that was probably because he was irritated about the comment. There was no way it was true. Dean would never want to treat him like an infant. He was lucky enough that Dean tolerated him as a child.

But what if? What if Dean didn’t mind him behaving as a child, but actually liked it? Then maybe… maybe he could be Sammy more often. He could be Sammy whenever he wanted, whenever he needed to be Sammy. He was currently only being Sammy enough to help take off some of the pressure, to give himself a reprieve.  It was a nice fantasy, but it would never come true.

 

 

Just two days later, Dean was cooking in the kitchen. He’d been extremely nervous after that demon had told Sam that he enjoyed treating Sam as a child, as an infant. He’d been worried that Sam would believe them, as demons did sometimes to say the truth, as the truth was sometimes much worse than a lie. He sighed. Two days had already passed, and Sam hadn’t said anything, so he must have thought the demon was lying. But it kept bothering him. He’d forget about it eventually.

There was something else that was bothering him, not just the demon spilling the beans. He wanted to hang out with Sammy and cuddle him. He’d wanted some time with Sammy. But how was he supposed to go about that? Could he just go up to Sam and ask him to be Sammy for a little while? They’d hung out quite a bit recently with Sam being big, and even though it hadn’t been long since he’d seen Sammy and held him in his arms, he wanted to spend tonight with his baby boy. Dean finished cooking his lunch, then began to eat it. He continued to debate in his mind about whether or not he should ask Sam if he could see and play with Sammy. Sam was still really embarrassed and skittish about Sammy, he probably wouldn’t appreciate Dean reminding him about Sammy or bringing in up. But you never knew until you tried. Making up his mind, Dean stood up and began to clean his plate and his dishes. Just because he’d made up his mind didn’t mean he couldn’t procrastinate.

Once he finished, Dean went to look for Sam. It was only barely after 1 pm, but if Sam said yes, then he’d have half a day with his baby, and that’s what he wanted. Dean eventually found Sam. Dean slowly walked up to him.

“What’s up, Dean?” Sam asked, slightly distracted by what was on his laptop.

“Uh, hey Sam. I was- I was just wondering...”

“Wondering what?” Sam asked, his eyes still glued to the screen.

“Uh, well-“

“Just spit it out, Dean,” Sam said annoyed.

“I want to hang out with Sammy tonight.” Sam froze at those words. He then slowly turned to look at Dean.

“You, you want-?” Sam had an almost comical, flabbergasted look on his face as he stared at his older brother.

“Yeah. I said it. I want to hang out with Sammy tonight.” Dean said with false bravado, before his tone turned a bit more timid, “if you don’t mind. Or you or Sammy want to.”

“I just-You really want to hang out with Sammy? Tonight?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“Let me think about it, okay?” Sam said eventually.

“Alright, let me know soon, okay?”

“Sure Dean, sure.” Dean turned and walked away. That could have gone better.

 

 

Holy crap. Dean, Dean wanted to hang out with him when he was Sammy? Dean had even asked him, he’d asked Sam to become Sammy! What was he going to do? He wanted to hang out with Dean, as Sammy. What were they even going to do, as Dean and Sammy? Play? Why did Dean want to hang out with him as Sammy? Sammy just wanted to play with his toys and be read to? How was that interesting for Dean? Was Dean doing this out of pity? Or because he thought Sam wanted to, but wasn’t letting himself? His brother did tend to become very self-sacrificing whenever it came to him. Hell, Dean had gone to Hell for him!  Should he give Dean a chance? Or should he just tell Dean no? What was he going to do?! He hated making big decisions like this, as he tended to make the wrong choice.

Sam sighed. He should try to give Dean his answer by 3, and it was already 2:30. He’d wasted an hour and a half letting his mind go in circles! He needed to make a decision and stick with it. But how to choose? Well, he could flip a coin. Sam reached in to his pocket, feeling around for some change. He had a mix of coins in his pocket, and he ended up using the quarter.

“Okay,” he muttered to himself, “heads I tell Dean no, tails I tell Dean yes.”

With that, Sam tossed the coin in the air and let it drop. He picked it up. He had made his decision. He stood up and went to look for Dean.

Dean wasn’t far. He was on the computer, looking at videos on bathroom renovations.

“Thinking about sprucing up your bathroom, Dean?”

“Uh, yeah, kinda. I was think about moving a wall or two and installing a nice, big tub. It doesn’t look too complicated.” Dean paused for a moment before continuing. “So, have you made your decision about who I’m hanging out with tonight?”

“Yeah, I think I have.”

“Are you going to tell me?”

“You’ll be hanging out with Sammy tonight.” Sam admitted.

“Okay. When will we start hanging out?” Dean asked, trying to hide his eagerness.

“Uh, whenever, I guess. It’s not like I have anything else planned to day.” Sam said with a shrug. He was trying to be nonchalant about it, but he was feeling incredibly nervous.

“Is not okay?” Dean hesitantly asked.

“Now?”

“Yes.”

“Now??”

“Yes, I already said that, Sam.”

“Um, I don’t see why not? Give me a sec to get changed though, okay?”

“Can I help?”

“Can you- You want to help?” Sam asked dumbfounded.

“Yeah. I want to pick out your onesie.” Sam gaped like a fish for a few moments before shyly responding.

“That’d be okay.”

“Great. Lead the way Sammy.” Sam turned and walked toward his room, his heart beating fast. It was all little surreal.

Once inside, Dean went to the chest and opened it. He started looking thought the onesies, looking for a good one to dress Sammy in. Sam made his way to the bathroom and shut the door. He had to remain calm. It was going to almost be like the previous time he’d been little. He’d started off big, and had progressively regressed in to Sammy. He could do this. Sam stripped. Sam looked around for a diaper. Shit. He’d left them in the other room with Dean. Opening the door a crack, Sam called out,

“Dean, I forgot some things, can you step out for a minute so I can get them?”

“Just tell me what they are Sammy, and I’ll bring them to you.”

“Dean.”  
“What, Sammy? Just tell me what it is. And don’t give me your bitch face.” Feeling a rush of mortification, Sam replied.

“I forgot a diaper, Dean. And I need a onesie too.”

“Alright.” Dean walked over to the door. Should he try and put the diaper on Sammy himself? He’d love to do it… But how would Sam respond? He could at least try though. It wasn’t going to hurt him to try. Trying had gotten him this far already.  

“Let me in Sammy.”

“No. Just give them to me through the crack in the door, Dean.”

“Sammy. I know you’re a big boy, but can you let me put your diaper and onesie on for you?” There was a long silence, before Sam moved away from the door, allowing Dean inside. Sam’s face was quite red, and he was naked.

“Come on, sit down.” Dean said as he lowered himself to the floor. Hesitantly, Sam sat down. Dean reach forward and lifted Sam’s legs, causing Sam to give an indignant squeak. Dean slid the diaper under Sam, the grabbed the baby powder he’d bought with him. He sprinkled some on Sam before he securely taped the diaper. Sam’s face was beet red at this point, his arm covering his face.

“All done Sammy. Good job.” Dean whispered, before giving Sam a light peck on the stomach. Dean then pulled Sam up before he started to put the onesie on Sam. The onesie was a simple, solid green. It suited Sam quite well. Sam leaned forward and cuddled in to Dean, hiding his face in Dean’s shirt. Dean just held Sam for a little while, waiting for Sam to stop being embarrassed. Deciding that Sam had enough time to calm down, he picked up his little brother and carried him back in to the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to be so darn fluffy and adorable, I can hardly wait!! :D


	4. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sammy play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. I had half this chapter written a week ago. Then all of my relatives showed up, and nothing got done! This chapter is finally finished! I was only able to add a couple hundered words per day.

Dean walked back over to the chest and grabbed a baby blanket and Bones while balancing Sammy on his hip. Sammy clung to him. He was probably still a little embarrassed. Dean then walked out of Sam’s bedroom and headed towards the lounge/TV room. He gently placed Sammy on the floor with his blanket.  
“Can you stay here for a sec, Sammy? I got you some new toys, but I need to go get them, okay? Can you sit here with Bones? I’ll be right back.” Dean hesitated for a moment. He wasn’t sure whether or not to get out the play pen that he’d ordered. But if Sam really wanted to leave, then that wouldn’t stop him. He left calmly, but as soon as he was out of Sammy’s sight, he hurried to the nursery. He’d wrapped them a while ago, in preparation for whenever he gave them to Sammy. He grabbed three from the pile, as well as a pacifier, then quickly made his way back to Sammy. His baby was sitting were he’d left him, staring at Bones. Sammy then pulled Bones close, to give him a cuddle. Sammy’s feet kicked in happiness while hugging Bones. Smiling, Dean walked over before sitting down next to Sammy.  
“Hey Sammy, I’m back. I brought some presents for you.” Dean said, showing Sammy the wrapped gifts. Sammy’s eyes widened, and he put Bones down. He made grabby hands for the wrapped gifts. Chuckling, Dean moved the first one closer to Sammy. Sammy grabbed it, and began to rip the wrapping paper. Inside was a pull toy. It was a cowboy on a horse. Dean had picked it out, partly due to the fact that he liked cowboys. It had been recommended online, as had all of the presents. Sammy moved on to the next present. This one was a shape sorter. The entire contraption was shaped like a cow, and the shapes could be stored inside it after Sammy was done playing with it.  
“Do you want to take it out of the box and play with it now? Or do you want to open your last present?” Sammy looked at the box containing the shape sorter. Sammy lifted one hand to his mouth, placing his thumb inside and sucking. He then used his other hand to point at the third and final present.  
“Okay bud. Just hold on one sec.” Dean pulled Sammy’s thumb out of his mouth, then replaced it with a pacifier. He then attached the pacifier to Sammy’s green onesie using the clip. Sammy looked at him, before moving on to the final present. It was just some multi colored nesting bowls. Sammy could use them however he wanted. Sammy looked at his three new toys in awe, before turning to Dean and throwing himself at him and hugging his brother tightly.  
“Thank you, De.” It was slightly muffled, as it was coming from behind a pacifier. Dean smiled, and replied.  
“No problem, Sammy.” After a slight pause, he continued. “Now, which one do you want to start playing with?”  
“Dat one!” Sammy said, eagerly pointing to the shape sorter.  
“Alright.” Dean made quick work of the box, and pulled out the cow. He then unwrapped all of the little shapes before giving them so Sammy. Sammy stared at them for a little while before grabbing the star shaped one and trying to put it in the square hole. It took Sammy a while before he finally placed all of the shapes in to the correct holes. After each one, he’d clapped delightedly, and it had melted Dean’s heart. It had been so adorable too, watching Sammy figure it out. He’d made comments and encouraged Sammy the entire time.  
Once Sammy finished, Dean said, “Well, congrats, Sammy! You did it! Do you want to try the nesting bowls now?”  
“No! Again!”  
“Again? Okay” Dean removed all of the shapes and returned them to Sammy. Sammy redid the cow another two times before he’d finally tired of it for the day.  
“Wanna watch cartoons now. And ‘m hungry.” Sammy said.  
“Hey, where are your manners?” Dean scolded lightly. Sammy paused, then looked at Dean with his bet puppy dog eyes.  
“Can I watch cartoons now? And food? Please?”  
“Alright, I’ll put something on.” Dean scooped Sammy up and placed him on the couch. He grabbed the blanket and tucked Sammy in before tucking Bones in with him.  
“How about Tangled?” Dean asked “After all, Rapunzel has long hair like you!” Dean teased before ruffling Sammy’s hair. Sammy pouted, but responded that Tangled was fine. Dean walked to the kitchen and looked for something to make he had made sure to get some kid appropriate food a while ago. Should he try and put Sam in the highchair he’d gotten? Or was that too much for one day? Sighing, Dean leaned against the counter. He might as well try. He’d been surprised by how much Sammy had enjoyed his presents. He’d figured that Sammy had started to get bored of his other toys, as he’d played with them so many times, but man, Sammy had been so excited by his new toys. Sammy had put the shapes in to the cow multiple times! Maybe Sammy would like the high chair, just like he’d liked his toys? Who knew? He could only hope. He started making the dinosaur chicken nuggets.  
They were eventually done, but Sammy was maybe only halfway through his movie. Walking in, Dean paused the movie. Sammy immediately turned to look at Dean, not entirely happy that Dean had stopped his movie.  
“Come on Sammy. Time for dinner.” Sammy looked at Dean before lifting his arms. Dean walked over and picked up his little brother. He carried him to the kitchen. Sammy didn’t really seem to be paying attention to where they were going, as he was more interested in cuddling with Dean. Dean set Sammy down in the high chair. Sammy just looked around, not yet realizing exactly what he was sitting in. Dean paused, then attached the plastic tray. Sammy froze, and stared at the tray in front of him. Deciding that it was an okay reaction, Dean walked over to the cupboard and grabbed a bib, a plate with mickey mouse on it, and a sippy cup. He tied the bib around Sammy’s neck, filled the sippy cup with apple juice, and filled the plate with chicken nuggets. He then placed to plate and the cup in front of Sammy. Sammy stared for a while. It was obvious that there was some sort of battle going on inside of him, and Dean could only wait to see which side won.  
Hesitantly, Sammy reached for the sippy cup and then brought it to his lips. After that, it was almost as if a switch had been flipped. Sammy enthusiastically ate his food and drank from his cup. Dean had put a tiny bit of barbeque sauce on the plate in case Sammy had wanted it, and boy did he. By the time he was finished, half of Sammy’s face was covered in the sauce, and his fingers were all sticky from it too. Dean carefully cleaned Sammy’s face and fingers and removed his bib. He cleaned up the rest of the kitchen, leaving Sammy in the chair. Once he finished, he returned to Sammy, who was looking around with wide eyes, and seemed to be checking out the chair. Dean removed the tray, then picked up his little brother. He carried him back to the room with the TV. He sat down and stretched out along the couch, with Sammy on top of him. He turned Tangled back on. Sammy squirmed a bit till he was comfortable, then he snuggled deeper in to Dean. Sensing that Sammy was probably going to suck his thumb, Dean grabbed the pacifier and popped it in to Sammy’s mouth. Sammy sucked rhythmically, and some of the tension left his body. Sammy watched the movie, completely absorbed by what was going on. Dean, however, was more interested in the body lying on top of him. He rubbed Sammy’s back soothingly, pet his hair, and just stared at his baby.  
Eventually, the movie was over, and Sammy started squirming impatiently.  
“Hey bud, relax.” Dean soothed as he sat up. “Do you want to watch another movie?” Sammy looked at him, then nodded.  
“Nemo.”  
“Okay. Let me just check diaper before we start the next one, okay?” Sammy immediately stiffened, but Dean ignored him and reached down to pull at the side of Sam’s onesie to check the diaper beneath. It was wet.  
“Hmmmm. Looks like someone needs a change.” Dean mused aloud. Sammy looked at him, clearly nervous. But Sammy had let him dress him, so he could probably get away with changing Sammy. He didn’t have a diaper with him though, nor any of the supplies he would need to change his brother. Sammy might bolt if he left him here though. Making up his mind, Dean brought Sammy to Sam’s room and set him down. Tears were starting to gather at the corner of his eyes. Obviously this was much more upsetting to Sam than it had been for Dean to put it on. Was it because he’d peed? Probably. Either way, Dean didn’t care.  
“Shhhh. It’s okay Sammy. I don’t mind. I’ll try to be quick, okay?” He said, giving Sam a kiss on the head. Dean hurriedly opened the onesie and the opened the diaper. Sam was extremely tense and he was hiding his face under his arms. Dean cleaned him up and slid a new diaper underneath his brother. He taped him up, then reattached Sammy’s onesie. Sam/Sammy refused to look at him, tears were still threatening to spill down his cheeks. Dean decided to ignore Sam’s discomfort for now, maybe Sam would relax and feel better if he just acted normal, and pretended like he hadn’t changed Sammy’s diaper. He picked Sammy up again, and carried him back to the couch, once again setting Sammy on top of him. He grabbed the remote and started the movie. Sammy was still pretty tense on top of him, but he began to relax as he lay there and as Dean stroked his back.  
Sammy eventually was so relaxed and content that he fell asleep on Dean’s chest. Dean let him lay there, asleep. His little brother was so cute. Sammy’s floppy hair, his relaxed face, his excitement when he played with toys. It was all so cute. He laid there till the movie was over. It was probably late, as Sammy was asleep. He paused. Should he put Sammy in the crib in the nursery? He had baby monitors… but would Sam freak out when he woke up there? Maybe. But why the hell not?  
Carefully shifting Sammy, he carried Sammy to the nursery, which was next to his room. He managed to open the door and get inside. The nursery looked pretty good in his opinion. It’d been a lot of work, and hopefully it would be worth it. He walked over to the crib with his precious cargo. He shifted Sammy, and undid the latch to slide a side of the crib down. He then placed Sammy inside. Sammy shifted a little and made sleepy sounds. Dean went over to the changing table and opened one of the draws. Inside were some baby blankets. He pulled out one with little ducks on it. He went back to the crib and placed to blanket over Sammy. Sammy would probably want Bones when he woke up… but where was the yellow dog? Dean went back through the bunker and found the dog and brought it back to the nursery. He placed it in with Sammy. Dean then turned on the baby monitor and set it by the crib. He gave Sammy one last look. He’d seem Sammy or Sam in the morning. Hopefully they would appreciate the nursery and everything. Sighing, he went out of the room and went to his own.

When Sam woke up, he was really warm. He shifted a little. He could feel the blanket on him shift off of him a little bit. This bed was really comfortable too. He didn’t really remember his bed being this comfy. Was he sleeping in Dean’s bed again? He shifted again. Ah well. Dean’s bed was really comfortable. He should really look in to getting his own memory foam mattress. Dean would probably help him put one on his bed. He roll over a bit, and he felt his hand brush something soft. His fingers curled around it. It was some sort of stuffed animal, probably Bones. He had been playing with Dean as Sammy last night. That’s probably why Bones was here. Sam turned till he was on his back. He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. It had been really fun playing with Dean last night. He’d really enjoyed it. They could definitely do it again. He been extremely embarrassed about the whole diaper thing. But Dean had kinda ignored his discomfort. Dean was also super cuddly, oddly enough. He’d cuddled Sam a lot, and been super nice. He’d gotten Sammy a lot of toys. And he’d fed Sammy… but in a giant high chair? Where had Dean gotten a giant highchair? Sammy had been so delighted, of course. Dean he even put a bib on him! He’d also fed him. Dean had obviously prepared for last night. Sam couldn’t decide if that was really nice of Dean, or if it was weird.  
Sam turned on his side, then paused. The walls were… blue? Dean’s room wasn’t blue. Where in the world was he? He sat up. There were bars around him? What the hell? Wait, was this? No, Dean wouldn’t have. He couldn’t have. Dean couldn’t have put him in a crib. He wouldn’t have. Would he? But Dean had bought a high chair. He could have also bought a crib.  
Sam went over to the side of the crib and unlatched it, letting the side fall down. He stood up and looked around. The room had obviously previously been a spare bedroom, and Dean had changed it. The room was now a dark blue color, and the furniture was all a dark wood. Along one of the walls was the odd padded dresser that Sam had seen Dean looking at a few weeks ago. There were shelves along some of the walls with stuffed animals and some toys sitting on them. There were also a few empty picture frames. Sam turned to look behind him. On the wall above the crib were letters in white. They spelled out his name, Samuel. Dean had put a lot of thought and care in to all of this. What was he going to do though? Should he stay here and call for Dean? Or should he sneak out of here and get dressed in regular clothes? He continued to sit there, thinking.  
Sam sat there too long, as Dean walked in. Dean saw Sam sitting on the edge of the crib, and he felt his stomach tie itself in to knots. Sam was awake. Dean closed to door behind him, and walked towards Sam, his hands in his pockets. Dean sat next to Sam on the edge of the crib.  
“Hey Sam.” Dean said softly.  
“Hi Dean.” Sam replied.  
“So, did you or Sammy have fun last night? Was it… okay?” Sam hesitated.  
“I- Sammy had a lot of fun.” Sam admitted.  
“Was it okay for you as well? Are you okay with everything that happened?”  
“Well, I was-,” Sam took a deep breath before continuing, “I was a little embarrassed when you, when you put the diaper on me and when you changed it.” Sam looked away from Dean. He was still embarrassed about it.  
“Okay.” Dean said. “Uh, are you wet, Sam?”  
“Am I? OH! Uh, well.” Sam shifted. Now that he thought about it, his diaper was wet. “Uh, yes?”  
“Okay. Can I change you?” Sam hesitated. Dean had already changed him before. And he didn’t like changing his own diapers. He shifted uneasily. He slowly nodded. Dean grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the padded dresser. It then dawned on Sam that it was a changing table. Dean pulled him close, then swept his legs out from under him and then placed him upon the table. He laid there, then looked at Dean.  
“Do you want Bones?” Dean asked.  
“Yeah.” Sam said. Dean grabbed Bones, then gave the dog to Sam. Sam held the dog close, and focused on petting the dog while Dean went to work on changing him. Sam tried his best to ignore what Dean was doing. However, he was brought back to reality when Dean pulled his onesie off. He blinked, then looked at Dean. What was Dean doing? Dean smiled at him, then leaned down and opened one of the drawers. He then pulled out a new onesie. This one was white. Dean pulled it over his head and snapped the onesie together. Dean then pulled out some jeans with an elastic waistband. He pulled those up Sam’s legs. Dean then put some really fluffy socks on his feet. Sam laid there. He felt really cared for. Dean picked him up and carried him to his room. Dean then set him upon his bed. Dean went to his wardrobe and pulled out a plaid shirt Dean put it on Sam, and buttoned it up. Sam leaned into Dean. This felt really nice. He had a nice thick diaper on. Dean was taking care of him, too. Dean reached up and ruffled his hair before giving him a kiss on the forehead.  
“Come on, Sam. Let’s go look for some new hunts!” Dean said cheerily as he walked away. Sam looked at him, looked down at Bones who was still in his arms, then followed Dean. Things had definitely changed. But maybe it was a good change? Only time would tell. 


	5. Complications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean hit a bump in the road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter than normal, as I was struggling with a bit of writer's block. Despite that, I hope you all enjoy it.

Sam and Dean looked for hunt, like nothing was different. The day just went on. They joked, looked online for weird deaths, made food, and etc. The only thing that was different was that Sam was wearing a diaper. But other than that… nothing else was different. It was strange, but good. Sam had actually forgotten that he was wearing a diaper till he went to bed and changed his clothes.

 

Sam and Dean went on a couple hunts. Dean did act different, but not in the ways he’d expected. He’d hadn’t tried to stop Sam from going, nor did he try and keep Sam away from the danger. But when Sam had gotten hurt, Dean had fussed a lot. He’d taken extreme care cleaning the wounds and caring for them. Normally, they just used the minimum amount of bandages necessary. But Dean had used a lot of bandages, far more than was necessary. He also kept petting Sam’s hair, and ruffling it. And Dean was also oddly concerned with how much sleep Sam was getting, making sure that he’d eaten everything on his plate. It was nice that Dean cared. It didn’t feel suffocating. Just odd.

They’d just finished a hunt two days ago. It had been pretty easy, nothing too bad or complicated. And Sam, well, Sam wanted to relax and be pampered a bit. The best way to do that? Bring Sammy out. But he wasn’t sure any more about Sammy’s age. Sammy had been about 2 when it had just been him, and no Dean. Sammy had been 4ish when Sam was still unsure about Dean, and had gone back down to 2 when Sam had finally trusted Dean with Sammy. Would Sammy get even younger, now that he had Dean to rely on?

It weighed heavily on Sam’s mind. So much so, that he unconsciously brought his hand to his mouth and started sucking his thumb. Lost in his own world, Sam didn’t notice Dean approach.

“Hey Sam, does lasagna sound good for-,” Sam turned to look at Dean, his thumb still in his mouth. Dean stopped talking once he noticed. Dean’s expression softened.

“Hi Sammy. I’m surprised to see you out. Is Sam okay?” Dean had a look of concern on his face. Sam had always made the conscious choice to become Sammy before… what had made Sam become Sammy unintentially?

Sam pulled his thumb from his mouth and nodded. Dean… Dean thought he was Sammy. Not Sam.

“Alright, well, come here.” Dean said, pulling Sam in to his arms and lifting him up off of the chair.

“Let’s get you in some proper clothes, okay?” Sam just laid in Dean’s arms, pondering whether or not to let Dean know that he wasn’t Sammy, at least, not yet. Dean finding him and thinking he was Sammy had guaranteed that Sammy was going to come out. But the question was still what age Sammy would be.

Sam let his eyes clothes as Dean dressed him. Dean was going to take care of him. Dean would be able to take care of him, no matter what age Sammy was. He could trust Dean. Dean would never let anything happen to him. Sighing, Sam let himself slip in to Sammy.

Dean carried Sammy to the nursery and put him on the changing table. He began to remove Sam’s adult clothes and began dressing him in baby clothes. Dean was worried. Sammy didn’t just randomly come out. Was something wrong with Sam? Was everything okay? Sammy might be able to answer, or he might not. Sammy was a little kid, and he probably couldn’t understand all of Sam’s adult worries.  Dean picked Sam up and grabbed Bones before walking out of the room. Sammy was snuggling in him, as usual. He brought Sammy to the living room/TV room. It was right off of the kitchen, where he was going to have to make dinner soon.

“Hey Sammy, so I have to make some dinner, okay. We can play afterwards, though.” Dean said with a smile.

“I’m going to leave you here with some toys, okay? I’ll check up on you frequently, and just call out for me if you need anything, okay Baby?” Dean looked at Sam a little longer, before standing up and walking away. Dean came back shortly after, with a gate. Dean then set up the gate around Sammy, creating a sort of play area. Once again Dean left and came back with some of Sam’s stuffed animals and toys.

“Here you go buddy. Have fun!” Dean said before placing a baby monitor by the playpen and walking to the kitchen with the other half. Sammy reached out and grabbed the cowboy pull toy. He stared at it a bit before he shook it. The cowboy wriggled around on the wooden horse, and Sammy giggled. It was so funny! He continued playing till Dean came back.

“Hey Sammy!” Dean said joyfully as he returned. “Dinner is in the oven, so we can play till it’s done.”

Sammy just stared at him before crawling over and in to Dean’s lap. Chuckling, Dean responded:

“Hi bud. You happy to see me?” Dean grinned as he pulled Sammy closed. Sammy reached up and put his hands on Dean’s face, exploring it and tracing it with his hands. Smiling, Dean kissed Sammy’s hand as it crossed the front of his face. Sammy burst out laughing, then moved his hands to Dean’s hair, messing it up. He then leaned down and cuddled in to Dean. Sammy then ran his hands along Dean’s neck and his stubble after he’d settled down in Dean’s arms. It was so scratchy. Dean looked down at him. Sammy just looked back up at Dean, his head slightly cocked to the side. Sammy brought his fingers up to his mouth and started gumming at them.

“Hey bud, let’s get you a pacifier, kay? We don’t want you chewing on your fingers and hurting them.” As Sammy was already in his arms, all he had to do was get up and walk towards the nursery to grab a pacifier. He then walked back to the area with the play pen and placed Sammy inside. Sammy just laid back and stared up at the ceiling. He then pushed and turned over on to his stomach and crawled over to his stuffed animals. Sammy pulled Bones close, then he grabbed Rocky and Bull. They needed to fight against the evil frog and the evil bunny!

Sammy continued to play with the stuffed animals and he ignored the world around him. Dean checked the time on his phone. It wasn’t going to be long till dinner was ready. He’d made lasagna, it wasn’t exactly the easiest food for a kid to eat, but, well, he hadn’t exactly expected Sammy. He’d expected Sam. It was fine though. Sammy was also a little different. He hadn’t actually talked to Dean yet, and he wasn’t standing up or sitting up like he normally did. He was crawling a lot, and he wasn’t really moving much. It was a little odd. Did it have something to do with how Sam randomly became Sammy? Was something really wrong? Dean couldn’t help but worry. He wanted both Sam and Sammy to be okay.

Dean walked to the kitchen and got out the high chair as well as the bib and some utensils. The lasagna would be done momentarily. He walked over to the oven and hit the light button. The inside of the oven was illuminated and the lasagna came in to view. Dean looked at it. It was definitely ready. He opened the oven and pulled it out. It smelled really good. He set it down on the counter and then went to get Sammy.

He walked back to play area and walked in.

“Come on Sammy! Time for dinner!” Dean scooped Sammy up and brought him over to the kitchen. He put Sammy down in the high chair and then put in the tray. He put on the bib then went over to the lasagna. He cut out a piece, then put it on Sammy’s tray. It should have hopefully cooled down enough by now. He could feed Sammy himself, if it was too hot. He cut out a piece for himself and put it down on a plate. He sat down and then reached over and cut off a piece of the lasagna, then moved it to hold it in front of Sammy’s mouth. Sammy sat there for a moment, thinking about whether or not he should eat it. Sammy eventually opened up and ate the piece. Sammy’s eyes widened, as he took in the flavors of the lasagna. Dean couldn’t help but laugh at Sammy’s expression. Sammy looked at him, obviously wondering why Dean was laughing.

“You just had the funniest expression on you face Sammy.” Dean said, trying to hold back his laughter. Sammy opened his mouth, obviously demanding more. Smiling, Dean continued to cut up pieces for Sammy and then feed it to him, managing to get in a few bites himself while he was feeding his little brother. It didn’t take long before Sammy had finished his first piece of lasagna.

“Do you want more Sammy?” Once again, Sammy nodded, not speaking.

“Alright, give me a sec and I’ll get you some more.” Dean said as he stood up and walked back to the pan with the lasagna. He returned with another piece and began to feed it to Sammy again. Even though Dean was feeding him, Sammy was still making a mess. It was probably nowhere near the mess that Sammy would have made if Dean hadn’t fed him. After the second piece, Sammy had refused a third. Dean stood up and cleaned the kitchen and put away the leftover lasagna. When he turned back to look at Sammy, he was spreading around the leftover pieces of lasagna on the tray. Somehow Sammy had managed to get himself and the tray covered in sauce. It was pretty impressive, considering how little sauce had been left, and the fact that Dean hadn’t been looking away for long.

Sighing, Dean walked over and cleaned off the tray and wiped Sammy off before removing the bib. He probably should have done that first. Ah well. He’s just having to re-learn how to do all of this. He picked Sammy up and then brought him back to the play area.

“What do you want to do now, Sammy?” Dean asked. Hopefully he’d get a verbal answer this time. Sammy fiddled with his onesie and looked around, seeming to ignore Dean’s question.

“Sammy? What do you want to do now, bud?” Sammy turned to look at him. Sammy just put his hand in his mouth. Why wasn’t Sammy responding? Why wasn’t he saying anything?

“Sammy? Baby? Is everything okay?” Dean moved closer and his stomach twisted in to knots. Sammy just looked at him and nodded. Dean couldn’t help but still be worried. He felt the need to protect Sammy, and to hold him in his arms. He couldn’t help but feel that something was off about Sammy, and it was making him kinda concerned. Sammy went lax as soon as he was in Dean’s arms. Dean just ran his arms up and down Sammy’s back. He just held Sammy, his mind spinning with worry and concern. Dean started to rock Sammy a bit, his mind off somewhere else as he rocked Sammy in his arms.

 

Sammy snuggled in to Dean. He yawned. He felt sleepy after having eaten the lasagna. He wanted maybe a bath or a story, a bottle, and then bed time. He felt Dean start to rock him. That was fine. But if Dean was going to rock him, he wanted a bottle. Sammy whined, trying to let Dean know what he wanted. Dean paused then looked down at him. Sammy looked up at him and then licked his lips. Did Dean understand? Dean should understand. Dean always understood him.

“Sammy? Do you want something?” Well. Dean sort of got it. Sammy whined again, smacking his lips. Dean should get it now.

“Can you talk to me Sammy? I don’t know what you want.” What? Dean didn’t know what he wanted? Dean didn’t understand him? Dean always understood him! Why was it different now that he was younger?! Sammy felt tears gather at the corner of his eyes, and then he started to cry.

Dean sat there frozen. Sammy was crying. His baby was crying. Why was he crying?! What had he done wrong?!

“Sammy?! Shhhh, it’s okay Sammy! What’s wrong, baby? Tell me and I’ll make it all better.” Dean said trying to placate the crying boy. But Sammy just cried harder at hearing Dean’s words. Not knowing what to do, all Dean could do was try and sooth Sammy and rock him. What could he do? What soothed kids? What soothed babies? It hit Dean a moment later, a pacifier. He grabbed the pacifier that was clipped on to Sammy’s onesie and pushed it in front of Sammy’s lips. Sammy latched on to the rubber nipple and harshly sucked as he continued to cry. Eventually Sammy’s cries subsided to soft sniffles. Sensing that Sammy had calmed down somewhat, Dean tried again.

“Sammy, I’m sorry that I don’t understand what’s wrong. But baby, I don’t know what you want. And- And you haven’t been talking, Sammy. You used to talk before and tell me what you wanted. What happened, baby? Why aren’t you talking to me?” Sammy’s eyes water again, he gave a few heart-wrenching sobs before falling silent once again. Sammy continued to suck harshly on the pacifier, and he buried in to Dean’s arms, hiding his face. Dean bit his lip.

Sam and Sammy had thought that Dean wouldn’t mind if he was a baby, if he acted like one and not a two year old. But it was obvious now. Dean minded. He wanted Sammy to talk, and be bigger. Dean… Dean didn’t like Sammy when he was this young. It had all been too good to be true. Dean didn’t really accept him. He couldn’t face Dean. He didn’t want to face Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. I'm sorry for the sorta cliffhanger and the angst.   
> I'm actually not sure how things are going to end up yet. It should hopefully all turn out well. Hopefully.


	6. Discussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean talk and make a plan in order to satisfy both of their infantalism needs... for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it's been a little while, and for that I apologize. College has started up again, and there have been some other things going on in RL.   
> Either way, here is the next chapter, and I hope you all enjoy it!

Dean held Sammy in his arms. Normally, this was a great thing, a wonderful thing. This moment, however, was not all that wonderful, as Sammy was currently sobbing in his arms, and he had no reason why. Not sure what to do, Dean just rocked Sammy. Sammy was still crying. What could make Sammy stop crying? He tried to remember what used to work when Sam was little. Sam had always calmed down when Dean had held him or rocked him. That was obviously not working at the moment. Pacifiers also worked, and while it had worked a little, it hadn’t stopped all of the crying. Dean racked his brain even harder. When… when Sam was really little, a baby really, he’d cried when he was hungry, or if he needed a diaper change. Sammy had just eaten though. Maybe a diaper change?

Dean reached down and slipped a finger under Sammy’s clothes to check his diaper. Nothing. It wasn’t wet. He frowned. What could possibly be making Sammy cry? He pulled Sammy closer to his chest. What could it be? What was making Sammy sob so heart-wrenchingly? Was there anything else he could do to make Sammy feel better? Would- Would a bath make Sammy feel better? Feeling unsure, Dean picked Sammy up and brought him to the nursery. He bypassed everything in it and went to the attached bathroom. He hadn’t gotten a change to try and enlarge the bathroom yet, in order to put in a larger tub. But it should work for now.

“Shhhh. It’s okay Sammy. How- how about we take a bath, okay? That might make you feel better.” Dean said, trying to sooth Sammy. Sammy’s sobs almost stopped after those words. He was still sniffling and hiccupping, but he was no longer crying as hard.

Dean started the bath, and put in a little bit of lavender bubble bath in. Trying to move slowly, in order to allow Sammy time to stop him, Dean began to remove Sammy’s clothes. Eventually Sammy was in his diaper. Dean quickly reached in to the bath, felt it, and then adjusted the temperature in order to make it warm, and not too hot for Sammy. Dean then sat back and looked at Sammy. He wanted to run out and go grab some bath toys, but he didn’t want to leave Sammy. He didn’t want to leave Sammy, especially since Sammy had been crying. He sighed. He’d have to go without the toys. That might make Sammy/Sam uncomfortable, not having the distraction of the toys, but what else could he do? He couldn’t leave Sammy.

Reaching forward, Dean removed the diaper, then picked Sammy up and placed him in the bath. He turned to the cabinet under the sink and pulled out a wash cloth, soap, some child-friendly shampoo, and conditioner. He wet the washcloth and put some soap on it. He then started to carefully and tenderly wash Sammy’s body. Sammy’s sniffles had almost completely stopped at this point. Sammy squirmed a bit when Dean washed his genitals, but Dean was quick about it. Dean then moved on and began to wash Sammy’s hair. He did his best to keep the shampoos and it’s suds out of Sammy’s eyes. Once the shampoo was washed out of Sammy’s hair, he grabbed the conditioner and made sure to condition the ends of Sammy’s hair.

Sammy had stopped crying at this point, and was just sitting in the bath. Sammy was completely calm and relaxed. He yawned. He was really tired. Dean had sort of understood what he wanted, as Dean had given him a bath. But he still really wanted a bottle and to be rocked. He could maybe direct Dean a little. But, did Dean even have bottles for him? Hopefully. Dean had gotten everything else for him… for a baby.

Once Dean finished washing Sammy, he pulled the plug on the bath. He then lifted Sammy out and set him down on the rug on the floor. He then grabbed a towel and dried Sammy off. He put lotion on Sammy, taped him up in a diaper, and dressed Sammy in some footy pajamas. Sammy was completely lax. Dean stroked Sammy’s hair. He was glad that Sammy was now feeling much better, but it had scared him. Sammy bursting in to tears had scared him a lot. He didn’t know what was wrong, and he didn’t want anything to be wrong. He just wanted Sammy to be happy.

“Hey baby,” Dean said softly. “Feeling better?” Sammy blinked up at him, then nodded. Sammy was really blissed out. Lazily, Sammy reached up and made grabby hands for Dean. Dean happily pulled Sam in to his lap. This… this was much better than compared to earlier. He stroked Sammy’s cheek, then leaned down and nuzzled him. He loved Sammy, and Sam, so much. He sat back up.

“Ba-” Sammy haltingly whispered. Dean looked curiously down at Sammy. Sammy was finally telling him something.

“Yeah baby? Did you say something?” Dean hesitantly prompted. Sammy took a deep breath before finally saying.

“Baba.” After saying that, Sammy’s face turned red, and he turned to hide his face into Dean’s shirt. Dean felt himself freeze. Sammy… Sammy wanted a bottle. Sammy wanted to drink from a bottle? Could he really be this lucky? He could actually get to do one of the things he’d dreamed about with his baby? He could rock and feed Sammy a bottle. Dean smiled softly down at Sammy.

“Sure baby.” Dean said and he placed a kiss on Sammy’s forehead. Dean continued to hold Sammy in his arms as he walked over to the kitchen. He had some adult baby bottles in there. Dean shifted Sammy till he was balanced on Dean’s hip, then began to make a bottle. Once it was done, he grabbed it and walked back to the nursery. He shifted Sammy, then sat down in the rocking chair with Sammy laid across his lap. He brought the bottle before Sammy’s lips. Sammy immediately latched on and started suckling. Dean chuckled.

“So that’s what you wanted, baby. You’re such a good eater. You ate two whole pieces of lasagna, and now you’re having a bottle?” Dean rocked the chair as Sammy suckled.

Sammy’s eyes drifted closed as he drank. He felt so full and loved. Dean had fed him, bathed him, and was now giving him a bottle. He was so content. Sammy finished the bottle, but he didn’t open his eyes. He yawned. He was so tired.

Dean smiled down at Sammy as he drifted off in Dean’s arms. Dean continued to rock Sammy in his arms for a while. He rocked until it began to hurt having Sammy’s weight continuously pushing down on him. Sighing, he got up and walked over to the crib. He unlatched the side and lowered it before carefully laying Sammy down within the adult sized crib. He placed some blankets over Sammy before he lifted the side up and re-latched the crib. Dean turned on the baby monitor before walking to the door. Before closing it, he turned back and said:

“Good night Sammy. Sweet dreams, baby. I-I love you.”

 

 

Sam woke up, sat up, and stretched. Last night had almost been a disaster, but it’d ended well. Sam sighed and put his face in his hands. They really shouldn’t dance around this topic anymore. They needed to talk about it. More than they already had, anyway. They’d discussed the bare minimum, and had danced around the best. Neither one really knew where the other stood. It was… aggravating. And Sam was tired of not knowing where he stood, of not knowing how much he could do, how far he could let Sammy out. Also, he wanted more of a schedule of when he could let go and be Sammy. He was hoping for a couple times a week, but he’d take pretty much whatever Dean would let him have. A few times a month, if that was what Dean wanted. He’d be devastated if Dean only wanted to hang out with Sammy a few times a year, but with the way Dean had been acting, he didn’t think that was the case. But he couldn’t help but worry.

He laid back down in the crib, his crib that Dean had gotten for him. That, at least, was another sign that Dean was going to be okay taking care of Sammy more often. Dean had only really hung out and taken care of Sammy about once or twice a month so far. Dean was a good brother, he’d be fine taking care of Sammy a couple times a month. And if Sam wanted to be Sammy more often, would Dean be okay with that? It would definitely cut it to Dean’s free time. It would mean that Dean would have less time for Dr. Sexy and less time to work on the Impala and to watch his movies. Sam reached over and grabbed Bones, and pulled him close, needing some comfort. Dean wouldn’t want more time with Sammy. Dean would rather have his free time. He sighed, and played with Bone’s ears.

“I’m nervous, Bones.” He whispered. “We need to have this conversation, but I’m nervous and scared.” He stroked Bones a little more, contemplating what he would say to Dean.

Dean opened the door, and walked towards the crib. He’d heard Sam speaking through the baby monitor, but he’d only really caught the end of what Sam had been saying, ad all he knew was that something was making Sam scared and nervous. Had he maybe gone too far with Sammy? Sammy had asked for the bottle… but maybe that was too much for Sam?

“Mornin’ Sam” Dean said, leaning on the side railing of the crib. Sam turned and looked up at him.  

“Hi Dean,” Sam said, a little nervously.

“Sleep well?”

“Uh, yeah, actually.”

“Good, that’s good.” Dean said. He moved away from the rail, then reached over and undid the latch that would allow it to slide down. He then sat down in the corner near Sam’s head, his feet still outside the crib. He sat there for a moment, unsure what to do. Should he bring up what little he’d heard over the monitor? Or should he just wait and let Sam tell him?

It ended up not mattering, as Sam beat him to the punch.

“So, Dean, hear me out. I know you don’t really like talking about feelings and stuff, but this is… important. I’ll do most of the talking, if you want. You just need to maybe answer a few questions.”

“Lay it on me, Sam.” Dean said after a moment’s pause.

“Uh, well, how often do you want to do this, Dean? How often do you want to hang out with Sammy? Once or twice a year? Once or twice every six months? Or a few times a month? Maybe even a few times a week?” Dean shifted. Although he didn’t want to admit it, he’d love to dote on Sam/Sammy and tuck him in every night. But that hadn’t been one of the options.

“How often do you want to do this, Sam?”

“Dean, no. I’m not going to tell you, as you’re just going to say that you want the same as whatever answer I give.” Dean was silent. How should he answer this? He’d just have to go with the answer that was the closest to what he actually wanted.

“Uh, well, I guess I’d be fine with hanging out with Sammy a couple times a week.”

“Dean,” Sam was obviously frustrated now. “Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. Tell me what you want!”

“God damn it Sam! What the hell do you want me to say? You want the truth? I don’t really like any of those options!” Sam froze. Dean… Dean didn’t like any of the options. Crap.

“So, you don’t want to see Sammy at all?” Sam croaked.

“No, Jesus Christ, that’s not what I’m saying!” Dean exclaimed.

“Then what are you saying, Dean?”

“I want to tuck you in every night, Sam! I don’t just want to feed you and take care of you when you’re Sammy, I want to do it all the time.” Dean sighed. “Whether it’s Sam or Sammy, I… I want it all the time. Which isn’t really all that plausible.” Dean looked away. He felt like he’d admitted something shameful.

Sam laid there, head back and looking up at the ceiling. Dean wanted to take care of him… all of the time? That was certainly not what he’d expected.

“I- I don’t know how I feel about doing it all the time.” Sam admitted. “We, we can try it a couple times a week at first. And maybe, maybe, if it goes well, we can try… we can try doing it more. And maybe we can try doing it all the time.” Sam sounded as unsure a he felt. He wasn’t sure about doing it all the time, but they could try it. He might like it? And if he didn’t, well, they’d cross that bridge when they get to it. God damn it, they were procrastinating talking about something again, but they had to sort out this stuff first, before they could get back to that.

“So, just to be clear,” Sam said in a calm, level voice, “we’re going to start out with me being Sammy a couple times a week. Say, 3-4 times a week? Depending on if we have a hunt or not, we can either, uh, do them all in a row, or do every other day?” Dean sighed.

“That sounds good.” Dean said eventually.

“Uh, okay.”

“Is there… is there anything else we need to talk about?” Dean asked sullenly.

“I, uh, just one more thing, I think, Dean.”

“What is it, Sam?”

“I, uh. Are you okay with, with how, how young Sammy is? Does it- Does it bother you that Sammy is younger now? That he wants… he wants bottles? And other stuff?” Sam looked away, feeling his cheeks heating up.

“It’s more than okay, Sam. I’d bought the, the adult baby bottles. I was prepared for it. I don’t mind at all.”

“Okay.” Sam said eventually.

“Anything else, Sam?”

“Uh, nothing else that I can think of, at the moment.”

“Kay, cause I have a few questions of my own now. What do you want to do now? Do you want to keep being Sammy for today? Or do you want to be Sam for today? And should we start the weekly hanging out now? Or?”

“Uh, I think I want to be Sam for today. Um, I think, for now, we should try every other day. And- And maybe we can start slowly doing consecutive days? Like maybe starting off with two days in a row, then move on to three, till eventually we get to four. Then, maybe, once we’re both comfortable doing four days in a row, we can try doing it for more than four days?”

“Sounds like a good plan, Sam.” Dean continued to sit there, unmoving. Sam didn’t move either. He still had Bones in his arms, and even though it might be a little childish, he didn’t want to let go of the soft stuffed animal. Bones was comforting to him. The two brothers stayed there for a while, contemplating everything they had just hashed out.

Eventually, Sam got up and left the nursery. He made his way back to his room where he dressed himself in adult clothes. He was still nervous about what was in store for the future, but he was optimistic. He could be Sammy more often, as often as he needed, probably. Sammy could also be as young as he wanted to be. These were all great strides and improvements! But Dean’s desire to have Sam to constantly be more dependent had surprised him. He’d never really thought about being Sammy all of the time. The thought had never crossed his mind. He’d felt so lucky, just a few months ago that he could be Sammy for a few hours. Oh how things had changed. If he’d been lucky then, then he must have a cursed rabbit’s foot somewhere in his possession.

What would it be like, he thought, to be Dean’s baby 24/7. Would it be the same as before, just…. Longer? Did he want that? To try it? Sam contemplated it for a while. While he wasn’t too sure about it, he figured that he should at least try it. Maybe for a whole week, if they ever got to that point. Heck, he might be jumping the gun a bit. They hadn’t even had one full day yet! Or two had full days with him as Sammy!

Sam took a deep breath. He needed to stop getting too far ahead of himself. He needed to relax and take things slow. Although he was excited, that didn’t mean that they should rush. It was too important to rush right through it. If they went too fast and somehow one of them no longer liked it, or one of them took it too far, and the other didn’t want to do it anymore… Then all of this had been for naught. But he couldn’t help but want.

Sam stood up and shook his head. He needed to stop thinking about this in circles too. He walked out of his room and headed for the library. He needed to take his mind off of this for now, otherwise he was going to drive himself crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this story will be coming to a close soon. The characters seems to be tying up their loose ends.


	7. Equilibrium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys settle in to their equilibrium.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry with how long this took. School started up again, and I was having such a hard time ending it. The chapter ended up being far shorter than I thought it would. I tried to add more, but it didn't fit.   
> I hope you like it.

Things progressed well, after Sam’s and Dean’s talk. They made plenty of progress. Sammy came out more often, and it relaxed not only Sam, but Dean as well to have this scheduled downtime where they could give and receive affection. There were, of course, setbacks, but Dean’s and Sam’s stubbornness helped them get through it, although that same stubbornness did hinder it at times too. However, both of the boys were far to invested to simply let it go. Time with Sammy and being Sammy was far more important than the little hiccups and bumps the boys encountered. 

They got to the point where Sam could Sammy for a full week. While Sam did enjoy it more than he thought he would. Dean, however, actually found that he didn’t want Sammy out and about for a week at a time, like he thought he did. It was hard to take care of a toddler/infant by himself for so long. While it did relieve his stress at the beginning, as the days progressed, the stress would build, as taking care of Sammy was a big deal and a big responsibility, and he would simply regain all of the stress he’d lost at the beginning of the week. 

Other things changed as well. Sam had become used to wearing his diapers, and it had begun to feel weird not wearing them. Plus, since he’d become used to going whenever he needed to in his diaper, he started having accidents while he was Sam. Sam had been absolutely mortified and he’d locked himself in his room for half a day. Dean had to stop Sam from throwing out all of Sammy’s stuff once Sam finally came out of his room. Sam had been so upset and enraged that he’d lost so much control over his own body. Dean was eventually able to calm Sam down, but it took a while. They then decided to try having Sam in diapers 24/7.

It was quite nerve wracking the first few times Sam went on a hunt wearing those beneath his clothes, but he eventually relaxed and realized that no one noticed. He still freaked out a few times when he thought he heard the crinkling, or when he looked in the mirror, he thought it was obvious that he was wearing a diaper due to his butt being a bit bigger, but no one ever commented on crinkling, or how his butt looked. 

The brothers did eventually discuss whether or not they should include Cas or not, as he could help Dean take care of Sammy, so he could be out longer. Sam was hesitant to involve any one else in his little time, as it still embarrassed him somewhat. They hadn’t fully decided on that, but that was okay. It was odd, how everything seemed to be okay, or going well at least, in this aspect of their lives. They’d kind of been waiting for the shoe to drop, but the shoe never came. 

Sammy had become one of the few things that the boys could look forward to, especially after hunts. It brought them closer together, and helped them deal and forgive each other when they fought or suffered. It was amazing how much Sammy had impacted their life, and for the better, too. Both Winchesters were happy for once, and it was great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it.   
> While I was dealing with some writer's block, I did go on to the SPN Kink Meme and I wrote some stuff. I will probably post those within a few days. I may or may not continue those.


End file.
